Hey Everyone!

Human interaction can at times seem pretty complex. Body language can sometimes feel like a foreign tongue, impossible to translate. The different tones people use in their speech can convey a variety of meanings. Have you ever felt disconnected like you are not only from a different country, but an entirely different solar system? Communication and interaction can be a struggle with people we are the closest to, so how do we bridge the gap with people we want to be close to?

Men and women are different. There are countless studies on the differences between them. One of the most notable accounts on this topic is the book by John Gray, entitled "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." This book, along with other relationship advice articles, promote the understanding of the differences in communication and interaction between the opposite sexes. When this understanding is applied, couples are better able to fulfill the emotional needs of their partners. This allows for improvement within the relationship.

In order to have a fulfilling and satisfactory relationship, it is important to seek an education specializing in your spouse. This doesn't come all at once. That is actually a fun aspect of building an enduring marriage. There are two degrees of communication and connection that occur. Happy marriages exist when couples build an emotional and physical intimacy between themselves.

Throughout the dating process, couples decide whether or not they want to pursue a more exclusive relationship. Relationships end in one of two ways. Eventually couples will break up or they will commit to each other on a permanent basis, usually resulting in marriage. Debating whether or not you can see yourself spending time with them permanently is an ongoing question dating couples must consider. When the decision is made, they either part ways or move on to courtship. Courtship is an exclusive relationship in which two people contemplate furthering the relationship to another level. This is a time of light commitment. Each partner agrees to only engage in a relationship with each other. The commitment is not legally bound. Both partners contemplate creating a life together. Determining if the benefits outweigh the detriments is a part of the courtship process. If the time comes when both parties decide to further the relationship, a proposal is in the near future. Engagements are practice for marriage. At each level of commitment, couples need to further their emotional connection.

Emotional connections cannot be solidified if both partners don't rely upon each other. Confiding in one another and bonding over the things that make us who they are is vital for success. I am not talking about letting lose all your childhood drama on the first date. Frankly that is uncomfortable and quite honestly terrifying for both you and your significant other. This takes time to nurture. Find connections. Share heartbreaks and success. Discuss hopes for the future and disappointments of the past. Above all, just share!! These little things make up your personalized history book. Enjoy learning about one another. The more serious you get in your relationship, the more you should be confiding in each other. I am not saying that you should shut out all of your friends and family, but you should prioritize. Husbands and wives should keep certain things between themselves and learn to trust each other more than anyone else.

Physical intimacy is just as powerful as emotional intimacy. Just as healthy emotional relationships should be kept between husband and wife, healthy physical relationships between spouses should be kept behind closed doors. These experiences can be powerful when shared between two people who love each other. In healthy relationships, there is no room for meddling mothers who harp on their sons-in-law. There is no room for gossipy best friends. There is no room for jokes about one's spouse while using crass language to describe them. Before the marriage, most people rely on their family and friends for emotional support or physical comfort. Marriage calls for a redirection in these aspects.

I'm pretty sure that we all can think about couples we know and identify some rocky relationships. Often in these relationships, they failed because the couple did not rely on each other and looked outside of the marriage for fulfillment in these intimacies. Please don't misunderstand me. I am not insinuating that if you are having a good day you are not allowed to call your mom and share your good news just because you have a ring on our finger. I am not telling you to never hug your grandpa when you have a bad day. However, I am saying that you have a built in best friend, someone who has promised to be there for you forever. How amazing is it that you get to share special experiences with your mom and come home to someone with whom you can celebrate? What a great experience it is that you get to hug your grandpa then later lay down with your spouse who can hold you and console you for however long you need?

Establishing boundaries with your spouse of what you should and should not share with others you love is a great way to feel confident and secure in your relationship. Confusion is cleared up and unity is felt with your spouse. As was stated earlier, men and women often think and show affection differently. Talking together and establishing a system where each partner is comfortable will go a long way in bridging this gap.

Physical intimacy, whether that be holding hands, kissing, or intercourse, will bond and unite couples when done properly. Finding a pace that is comfortable for each partner is so important. These acts can be fun and meaningful at the same time. Don't do anything unnatural or demeaning or hummiliating for either partner. Be open and honest with one another. Counsel together and set boundaries. Share with one another what works and doesn't work. A great resources for understanding how a woman's body works is a book by Laura Brotherson. Brotherson is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and is also a certified Sex Counselor. Her book, "Knowing Her Intimately," has helped many couples in this area of their relationship.

Throughout the marriage, remember that infidelity is not always meant in a sexual manner. Emotional and physical intimacy are both important. Relying on someone emotionally can be just as detrimental as seeking physical fulfillment outside of the marriage. Be cautious about with whom and what you share outside of your marriage.

I've heard it said that spouses should continue to connect and learn about each other throughout the entirety of the marriage. Married should work towards achieving a high school diploma on their spouse then moving on to obtain a Bachelor's degree, a Master's degree and eventually work towards a Doctorate. Sometimes we might feel disconnected, but as couples work on it and practice increasing these intimacies, spouses can understand each other on a whole other level. A tilt of the head and a pursing of the lips or a higher pitch in their tone can constitute as a conversation. Couples will work more in harmony. Instead of living separate lives together, spouses have the potential to be extensions of one another.

Love,

Liz S.