Hey Everyone!
This week the topic of discussion is preparing for marriage. I had a lot of fun learning this week because this topic is very applicable to my personal life. This week I have learned a lot about what I want during this phase of my life. Honestly I don't totally feel comfortable with is topic of conversation. I got back from serving as a full time missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in January of this year.

After 18 months of focusing on my responsibilities of full time missionary service and not having any romantic entanglements for the entirety of that 18 months, it was really hard to feel confident and comfortable in the dating scene. During my mission, as I am sure is the case with most, I changed hopefully for the better. I matured and experienced new levels of adulthood. This transition also proved difficult with these changes. Returning home, I was greeted by friends and family looking out for my best interests. In the Mormons culture, marriage and family are a priority. My predecessors have experienced the joys marriage and family can bring into ones life. I was encouraged, by many people I respect and look to for an example, to actively seek out these life blessings. As much as I appreciated these words of advice and understood this counsel were coming from a sincere desire to see me happy, I was overwhelmed.

I am obstinate so as this advice took hold it became my prerogative to avoid the dating scene. I was a nuisance to my roommate while she tried to help me feel more comfortable as a college student rather than a missionary. I turned a cold shoulder to any chances of dating. After some time, I realized that I was missing out on more fun that I could be having. That's right. I said it. Dating can be fun!
Once I became more open to it, I thought about what dating consists of. What does dating mean to you? Our discussions in class have been informative on this issue. I think a lot of people have a miscued concept of dating. Today our society does a whole lot more of "hanging out" rather than dating. In high school, I justified hanging out with guys because it wasn't a "real date."
What do "real dates" consist of? Here are a few examples we came up with: pairs of people, prior planning, and the resources used for the date are provided for such as the cost of dinner, movie tickets, or event costs. All of these items require effort.

Now that the expectations of a what a date is has been established, what is the purpose of dating?  This is a pretty easy one to answer, but can vary depending upon the individuals involved. Some might decide to date to have fun. It is a sources of entertainment. Others date to determine qualities they desire in a future spouse while others might be ready for that next step and are dating to determine whether or not the relationship is progressing well enough to make that step. Many are guilty of dating for free stuff such as meals or tickets to events. Honesty though who can blame them? Free stuff is free stuff! It is also entirely possible to be dating for a combination of reasons. Some are in it for one thing, but are open to other options or progress in a relationship.

No matter your reasons for dating, it is important to be comfortable with yourself and your standards. While it is enjoyable to try new things and learn a little bit more about yourself, as is usually the case when spending time with new acquaintances, it important to be happy with who you are while dating. Too often people change themselves in hopes of capturing the attention and affections of someone they are interested in. What is the point? You won't be truly happy being anyone else. You are meant to be YOU!! Never question yourself or let others do damage to your individuality. Dating sometimes seems like a competition. At these times it is sometimes difficult not to beat yourself up and critique your physical qualities and personality traits. In the end, just remember that dating ends one of two ways either a permanent and committed relationship or a breakup. If your relationship results in the former, would you prefer to feel stable and secure in your relationship being yourself and knowing your significant other loves you for you or would you rather feel like a stranger with the one person who is supposed to know and love you the most? Down below is a short video to get you pumped up when ever you get down on yourself because we all have those rough days once in a while.

The best piece of dating advice I have ever received is to not settle. No one is perfect so it is ridiculous to search for perfection. With that being said, it is not okay to be unhappy in your relationship because you fear he or she is the best you are going to get or you think you can change them or you have been together this long so you might as well move forward or any other outlandish idea like these ones. Respect and love yourself. Know who you are and what you deserve while being forgiving of their flaws because you've got them too. Remember that dating is a pretty clear indicator of what a marriage would look like. If it is not flowing during the dating stage, there is no way marriage will fix what is broken.

I don't think anyone has completely perfected dating because everyone is different. Let's be real. Sometimes there will be awkward first dates and sometimes there will be embarrassing moments. Sometimes you may stumble over your words a little or feel uncomfortable when you walk past them on campus or at the grocery store after a failed date. But there will also be excitement and laughter. There are very few feeling that can compete with the flight of butterflies in your stomach. Feeling fly in your new date outfit will perk your chin up a notch when you walk past a mirror. I promise you can do this!! Enjoy the journey and enjoy this experience! Never stop dating, even when you have been married for 46 years. The excitement doesn't have to end so make it count...

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/individual-worth?lang=eng

Love,
Liz S.