Hey Everyone!
Weddings typically consist of the perfect weeding dress, an amazing venue, family and friends, flawless makeup, tuxedos, movie-star hairdos, envy inducing diamond rings, fragrant flowers, gourmet meals, and jaw-dropping cakes just to name a few. Is it any wonder that the supposedly best day of your life often turns into one of the most stressful days of your life? While taking the biggest step in a relationship, it is not uncommon to get caught up in the celebration of the marriage rather than appreciating the act of the union for what it is.
Weddings can be very stressful. Couples often miss out on opportunities to grow together in this new stage of their developing relationship. The first mistake couples often make is not working together to plan the wedding. This is your big day...together...as a couple...so act like it! Take advantage of this opportunity to start your marriage out as a partnership. As you work together to plan the wedding, you are in a environment conducive not only to party planning, but life planing as well. This gives you a chance to establish boundaries and responsibilities that transfer to everyday life. It is easier to launch a framework in household responsibilities after practicing.
This practices demonstrates the transition in the relationship. When a couple decides to get married, expectations of the relationship need to be defined. As was discussed in the last post, dating is a good indicator of what the marriage will be like. Discussing roles and responsibilities and expectations before the vows is an excellent idea to create balance and understanding in a relationship. Accepted patterns will continue unless it is decided to do things differently.
Marriage is all about bringing two individuals together living life side by side and working together as one. Marriage does not equate morphing into what one person in the relationship deems is marital bliss. In a partnership, both sides are required to sacrifice and compromise. I think it is interesting that promise is in compromise. Marriage is all about making promises and upholding those promises. Success is evident in marriage when two people promise to work together. Sometimes couples slip into a routine of living separate lives while living under the same roof. Instead of supporting each other in their similarities and differences, couples sometimes struggle to find this balance and drift apart. Instead of ours, vocabulary such as his and hers is used. This separatism in relationships can often be emotionally draining and destructive. When approaching marriage, couples should be aware of the challenges and benefits of putting the needs of your spouse before your own. Having this emotional entanglement with greatly increase satisfaction within the bonds of marriage.
Other than the combining of expectations, there are other marital adjustments that are needed to be made. Sharing is often one of the most challenging adjustments. Instead of living separate lives, husbands and wives are expected to share most of their earthly possessions. These possessions might include, but are not limited to sharing finances, decision making, and a living situation. While living together, couples are anticipated to share all the nitty gritty things like a bathroom, sleeping arrangements, household chores, and your body. Sharing some of these things can seem terrifying! The first step is to commit to working towards being comfortable enough around your partner in order to be willing to make these changes with them. Remember that these changes should be worked on together. This means working WITH your partner and not changing FOR them. Neither one of you will end up happy if this is the case. You will not truly be you if you focus on being what you perceive what they want. Each side of the partnership will need to exhort patience and tolerance with each other. No one is perfect-including your spouse.
It is okay to have concerns and even boundaries. However it is not okay to shut down and not try to cooperate or work things out. Converse with your spouse and don't be afraid or unwilling to experiment. Couples should experiment with this stuff in order to figure out what works best for them as a couple. Go over roles, rules, and expectations. Understand each other's culture and background. The way they do things may not make a whole lot of sense to you, but it obviously does to them so try to be understanding and considerate. Identify each other's needs and discuss them. Then get to work. Establish ways to keep each other happy and content.
 Above all marriage is not perfect because no two people are perfect. That doesn't mean that you can't have an amazing life with someone. Two people who are committed to making it work can indeed make it work as they are patient, understanding, and tolerant of each other's faults. Happiness is not only a possibility, but can be a reality. Find what works for you because that is what marriage is...WORK!!!! This hard work is what makes marriage so wonderful.

Love,

Liz S.