Hey Everyone!
When arguments or disagreements happen, most people say something along the lines of, "Communication is key." Most people realize that communication is important, but do we know how to properly communicate or why it is so important?

There are different mediums in which we communicate. Three of these mediums are very powerful in communicating a message. These include, words, tone, and nonverbal cues. Fourteen percent of communication comes from words, thirty five percent of communication is made up of tone, and fifty one percent of our communication relies on nonverbal cues. I think this is valuable information to have. Words are not enough in a relationship. It is not enough to just talk it out with your significant other. Our society has lost trust in the words of others. Let's think about some popular sayings we use today. "A picture is worth a thousand words." "Put your money where your mouth is." "Show, don't tell." Words can reassure, but the real power comes when people show that they mean what they say. What kind of message are we sending when we aren't speaking?

Have you ever heard someone speak with a sarcastic tone? Have you ever been terrified by our mom's strained voice? So much can be said without saying anything or very little. The way we say things can convey a message. Our mouth may be saying something, but unless our tone is conveying the same message, communication can be unclear. Saying you are fine in a watery tone will be confusing. Couples and family members who are conscientious of their tone can have clearer and more effective communication with each other.

Nonverbal cues make up a little more than half of our communication.More than half! This form of media holds a lot of weight. What are you communicating when you scowl? What message are you sending to your loved one when you smile or pat their shoulder? This seems so simple so how do we get mixed signals? We all express our emotions in a different way. Like with most things in life, the more you practice, the better you get. Be patient with each other as you work together to better understand each other.

Transparency is the best way to work on communication. This doesn't mean you have to spill all of your dark secrets or air you dirty laundry on the first date. Nor does this mean that you point out negative qualities all the time. Family life will require you to have tolerance and patience. Transparency is all about meaning what you say. Don't have hidden agendas.

Not communicating can be detrimental to your relationships. Do not do the silent treatment. Sometimes we need to cool off or think about what they said before you continue with the conversation. This is totally fine and totally normal. However, there is a way to do this. The answer is communication. How much more helpful is it to tell your loved one that you need a second rather than freezing them out? Be careful not to corrupt your communication like through the silent treatment. Other corrupt forms include profanity, passive aggressive language, or sarcasm. Try to mean what you say and say what you mean. Show you mean it by your actions.

Above all, it is okay to check for clarification. In fact, it is actually encouraged to make sure the way you communicate is clear to your loved ones. There are a couple of ways to do this. One way is to ask them. In communication someone tries to express a thought or feeling. That message is then encoded using a medium. The person receiving the message then tries to decode the message to understand the thought or feeling. This is where it gets tricky. Sometimes the sender and the receiver have different ideas on the meaning of a message. Sometimes the intention of the sender and what the receive takes away are not the same. Checking for clarification is easy. Ask the person if you understand them correctly and share with them what you took away from the exchange. Another way to have clarification is to have a family council or meeting. Sitting down with each other and discussing things can clear up confusion.

There is power in clarification of communication. Clear communication strengthens families. What can you implement today to strengthen your family?

Love,

Liz S.