Hey Everyone!

Your Thanksgiving dinner is supposed to look like the photo in the magazine, but instead it resembles boxed and over-processed lumps. This wouldn't be such a big deal if your judgmental Aunt Phyllis weren't in attendance. A couple of family members are arguing in the back room and have no qualms about letting the neighbors overhear their displeasure. Your already tiny and aging apartment seems to be shrinking by the minute. Politely you try to end the party and send everyone on their way. You need to take the late shift because it pays time and a half for working holidays. Putting the kids to bed is a challenge after the excitement of the day. Kneading your shoulder, you search through the laundry basket for your uniform. The extra shifts have left you sore and completely exhausted, but you push through. You really need the extra cash. Christmas is in a few weeks and in order to give the kids a good Christmas, something has got to give. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you open the door for the babysitter. She is not your first choice, but she works for cheap and since the kids are sleeping there is not much damage that can be done. Kissing them one more time before you leave, you watch them sleep for a second before you head out. They are the reason you work so hard. Grandma has had some health issues. The medical bills are stacking up. Maybe the Christmas budget will have to be tighter than you originally planned. On the way to work, your car stalls at the red light. You pray it stays running until you reach work. Tears burn your eyes, but you blink them back. You have to stay strong until you get all of your responsibilities taken care of. Throughout this whole day you can't help but think that everything seemed so much better with your spouse when you were a happy family. The time before you lost your daughter and slowly your marriage was torn apart.

Many families struggle with one or more of these stressors listed in this scenario. Having these strains can be tiring. Just like architectural structures that need remodeling and renovations over the years, we too need periodic repairs. The age old adage: use it or lose it, can really apply to our bodies. Using our brains and our bodies is important in keeping them strong. One way our bodies stay strong is through stress. Just like gravity puts strain on our bodies and causes us to create muscle, stress puts strain on us as well. We can build up muscle with each stressor we encounter. If you are stressed out then a part of you is getting stronger. After a good workout it is wise for you to stretch to relax your muscles and cool down. During stressful situations, it is important to take some time to relax your muscles by learning coping methods. It is so important to repair.

Physical actions can go a long way in coping with stressful situations. Releasing stress by physical exertion and stretching can be a relief. Another process of self soothing is focusing on your breathing. A great strategy is to focus on your breathing twice a day for three minutes at a time. Taking time to focus on your breathing will center you and release tension. The definition of coping is to make finite, minute, and thoughtful adjustments to make things fit together. Often it is miscued that distracting yourself from stress is coping. Distracting yourself doesn't make you stronger or prepare you to handle the next challenges.

Overall you need to find out what works best for you and how to implement those changes. Reuben Hill studied families who stayed intact and families that didn't stay intact after the Great Depression. He developed a theory based on how families respond to stressors in life. This theory is called Hill's Family Stress Adaptation Theory or the ABCX Model. Check out his work and see how you can implement it into your family today!

Love,

Liz S.