Hey Everyone!

I heard a funny quote about parenting recently: "The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." Road maps, recipes, car owner's manuals, home appliance operator instructions, and IKEA furniture instruction booklets. We have access to direct and individualized guidance for just about everything. If we can't find these instructions in ink on paper, there is no need to worry. Most of us have access to endless information in our back pocket. Google is just a tap of our thumbs away.

There are endless "instruction manuals" for parenting. In fact, I will be referencing someone who has written a guide to parenting. However useful  these tips are, there is no exact tactic to take. Unlike kitchen appliances, you can't rely on children to respond to your ministrations the same way every single time. There is no book that says if your child does this, do that to fix it unlike an owner's manual for a vehicle. Parenting is not as simple as dropping your child off at a mechanic when they misbehave. Parenting is hard because there is no simple way to do it. There is no one perfect way. With this aspect of parenting in mind, it is often said that parenting is for the parents. Parents learn so much and grow as human beings.

Michael Popkin, Ph. D and founder of Active Parenting Publishers, views the purpose of parenting as protecting and preparing children to survive and to thrive in the world they will live in. Parenting is important because mothers and fathers have the opportunity to not only teach their children to survive, but also succeed. I like his statement that parents need to prepare their kids for the world they will live in. The next generation will experience some similar things, but also some different occurrences than their parents experienced. Great parenting is manifest when parents prepare their children for a myriad of life events.

Popkin suggest a few ways to accomplish this goal or purpose. He discourages punishments and rewards because that is what superiors do to inferiors. Instead Popkin suggests encouragement to be used in the home rather than rewards. Popkin suggests letting children learn from the natural consequences of their decisions and actions. The only exceptions to this idea is if the situation is too dangerous, the consequences are too far in the future making it impossible for the child to fully understand the consequences, or if the consequences affect others.

Michael Popkin shares his view on parental interference in correcting or shaping the behavior of children. The first step is to make a polite request. This is a respectful approach and will teach children to respond accordingly and later approach others with respect. Anyone who has worked with children understands that this approach will not work every time. The next step is to use an I statement such as, "When you don't pick up your toys, I feel frustrated because things get lost in messy rooms. I would like it if you could pick up the toys you are not playing with and put them in their designated spot.Using the I statement better helps the child understand what is wrong about what they are doing and presents a way they can fix it. If this doesn't work, Popkin encourages using a firmer statement. Parents should not manipulate or get even, but rather work with the child to reiterate why what they did was wrong and what action they can do to solve the problem. If the child is still continuing on with this behavior, set logical consequences.Work with the child and your spouse to agree upon logical consequences and follow through.

There are eight steps in developing logical consequences. These steps include: discuss inn advance a course of action, include the child, establish chores if or when the child misbehaves, make sure the consequence is logically connected to natural consequences, come up with consequences you can live with, be firm and friendly, follow through, and give them another chance.

Popkin has some amazing ideas on parenting. He has a great instruction manual to help parents, but above all, the most beneficial tool a parent has is to spend time with their child. As parents work with their children, parents will better understand their children and their needs. After understanding their needs, parents can use all of these tools that work for them out of the countless parenting books. Never stop wanting to spend time with them. Spend quality time with them instead of finding things to distract them to keep them out of your hair. Never stop caring.

I would like to end with another quote. "Ever had a job where you had no previous experience, no training, you couldn't quit, and people's lives were at stake? That's parenting!" No one has the perfect instruction manual, but there is so much info to help you out. There are many resources you can use so use them and help your children be the best they can be!

Love,

Liz S.

Hey Everyone!
When arguments or disagreements happen, most people say something along the lines of, "Communication is key." Most people realize that communication is important, but do we know how to properly communicate or why it is so important?

There are different mediums in which we communicate. Three of these mediums are very powerful in communicating a message. These include, words, tone, and nonverbal cues. Fourteen percent of communication comes from words, thirty five percent of communication is made up of tone, and fifty one percent of our communication relies on nonverbal cues. I think this is valuable information to have. Words are not enough in a relationship. It is not enough to just talk it out with your significant other. Our society has lost trust in the words of others. Let's think about some popular sayings we use today. "A picture is worth a thousand words." "Put your money where your mouth is." "Show, don't tell." Words can reassure, but the real power comes when people show that they mean what they say. What kind of message are we sending when we aren't speaking?

Have you ever heard someone speak with a sarcastic tone? Have you ever been terrified by our mom's strained voice? So much can be said without saying anything or very little. The way we say things can convey a message. Our mouth may be saying something, but unless our tone is conveying the same message, communication can be unclear. Saying you are fine in a watery tone will be confusing. Couples and family members who are conscientious of their tone can have clearer and more effective communication with each other.

Nonverbal cues make up a little more than half of our communication.More than half! This form of media holds a lot of weight. What are you communicating when you scowl? What message are you sending to your loved one when you smile or pat their shoulder? This seems so simple so how do we get mixed signals? We all express our emotions in a different way. Like with most things in life, the more you practice, the better you get. Be patient with each other as you work together to better understand each other.

Transparency is the best way to work on communication. This doesn't mean you have to spill all of your dark secrets or air you dirty laundry on the first date. Nor does this mean that you point out negative qualities all the time. Family life will require you to have tolerance and patience. Transparency is all about meaning what you say. Don't have hidden agendas.

Not communicating can be detrimental to your relationships. Do not do the silent treatment. Sometimes we need to cool off or think about what they said before you continue with the conversation. This is totally fine and totally normal. However, there is a way to do this. The answer is communication. How much more helpful is it to tell your loved one that you need a second rather than freezing them out? Be careful not to corrupt your communication like through the silent treatment. Other corrupt forms include profanity, passive aggressive language, or sarcasm. Try to mean what you say and say what you mean. Show you mean it by your actions.

Above all, it is okay to check for clarification. In fact, it is actually encouraged to make sure the way you communicate is clear to your loved ones. There are a couple of ways to do this. One way is to ask them. In communication someone tries to express a thought or feeling. That message is then encoded using a medium. The person receiving the message then tries to decode the message to understand the thought or feeling. This is where it gets tricky. Sometimes the sender and the receiver have different ideas on the meaning of a message. Sometimes the intention of the sender and what the receive takes away are not the same. Checking for clarification is easy. Ask the person if you understand them correctly and share with them what you took away from the exchange. Another way to have clarification is to have a family council or meeting. Sitting down with each other and discussing things can clear up confusion.

There is power in clarification of communication. Clear communication strengthens families. What can you implement today to strengthen your family?

Love,

Liz S.

Hey Everyone!

Your Thanksgiving dinner is supposed to look like the photo in the magazine, but instead it resembles boxed and over-processed lumps. This wouldn't be such a big deal if your judgmental Aunt Phyllis weren't in attendance. A couple of family members are arguing in the back room and have no qualms about letting the neighbors overhear their displeasure. Your already tiny and aging apartment seems to be shrinking by the minute. Politely you try to end the party and send everyone on their way. You need to take the late shift because it pays time and a half for working holidays. Putting the kids to bed is a challenge after the excitement of the day. Kneading your shoulder, you search through the laundry basket for your uniform. The extra shifts have left you sore and completely exhausted, but you push through. You really need the extra cash. Christmas is in a few weeks and in order to give the kids a good Christmas, something has got to give. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you open the door for the babysitter. She is not your first choice, but she works for cheap and since the kids are sleeping there is not much damage that can be done. Kissing them one more time before you leave, you watch them sleep for a second before you head out. They are the reason you work so hard. Grandma has had some health issues. The medical bills are stacking up. Maybe the Christmas budget will have to be tighter than you originally planned. On the way to work, your car stalls at the red light. You pray it stays running until you reach work. Tears burn your eyes, but you blink them back. You have to stay strong until you get all of your responsibilities taken care of. Throughout this whole day you can't help but think that everything seemed so much better with your spouse when you were a happy family. The time before you lost your daughter and slowly your marriage was torn apart.

Many families struggle with one or more of these stressors listed in this scenario. Having these strains can be tiring. Just like architectural structures that need remodeling and renovations over the years, we too need periodic repairs. The age old adage: use it or lose it, can really apply to our bodies. Using our brains and our bodies is important in keeping them strong. One way our bodies stay strong is through stress. Just like gravity puts strain on our bodies and causes us to create muscle, stress puts strain on us as well. We can build up muscle with each stressor we encounter. If you are stressed out then a part of you is getting stronger. After a good workout it is wise for you to stretch to relax your muscles and cool down. During stressful situations, it is important to take some time to relax your muscles by learning coping methods. It is so important to repair.

Physical actions can go a long way in coping with stressful situations. Releasing stress by physical exertion and stretching can be a relief. Another process of self soothing is focusing on your breathing. A great strategy is to focus on your breathing twice a day for three minutes at a time. Taking time to focus on your breathing will center you and release tension. The definition of coping is to make finite, minute, and thoughtful adjustments to make things fit together. Often it is miscued that distracting yourself from stress is coping. Distracting yourself doesn't make you stronger or prepare you to handle the next challenges.

Overall you need to find out what works best for you and how to implement those changes. Reuben Hill studied families who stayed intact and families that didn't stay intact after the Great Depression. He developed a theory based on how families respond to stressors in life. This theory is called Hill's Family Stress Adaptation Theory or the ABCX Model. Check out his work and see how you can implement it into your family today!

Love,

Liz S.

Hey Everyone!

Human interaction can at times seem pretty complex. Body language can sometimes feel like a foreign tongue, impossible to translate. The different tones people use in their speech can convey a variety of meanings. Have you ever felt disconnected like you are not only from a different country, but an entirely different solar system? Communication and interaction can be a struggle with people we are the closest to, so how do we bridge the gap with people we want to be close to?

Men and women are different. There are countless studies on the differences between them. One of the most notable accounts on this topic is the book by John Gray, entitled "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." This book, along with other relationship advice articles, promote the understanding of the differences in communication and interaction between the opposite sexes. When this understanding is applied, couples are better able to fulfill the emotional needs of their partners. This allows for improvement within the relationship.

In order to have a fulfilling and satisfactory relationship, it is important to seek an education specializing in your spouse. This doesn't come all at once. That is actually a fun aspect of building an enduring marriage. There are two degrees of communication and connection that occur. Happy marriages exist when couples build an emotional and physical intimacy between themselves.

Throughout the dating process, couples decide whether or not they want to pursue a more exclusive relationship. Relationships end in one of two ways. Eventually couples will break up or they will commit to each other on a permanent basis, usually resulting in marriage. Debating whether or not you can see yourself spending time with them permanently is an ongoing question dating couples must consider. When the decision is made, they either part ways or move on to courtship. Courtship is an exclusive relationship in which two people contemplate furthering the relationship to another level. This is a time of light commitment. Each partner agrees to only engage in a relationship with each other. The commitment is not legally bound. Both partners contemplate creating a life together. Determining if the benefits outweigh the detriments is a part of the courtship process. If the time comes when both parties decide to further the relationship, a proposal is in the near future. Engagements are practice for marriage. At each level of commitment, couples need to further their emotional connection.

Emotional connections cannot be solidified if both partners don't rely upon each other. Confiding in one another and bonding over the things that make us who they are is vital for success. I am not talking about letting lose all your childhood drama on the first date. Frankly that is uncomfortable and quite honestly terrifying for both you and your significant other. This takes time to nurture. Find connections. Share heartbreaks and success. Discuss hopes for the future and disappointments of the past. Above all, just share!! These little things make up your personalized history book. Enjoy learning about one another. The more serious you get in your relationship, the more you should be confiding in each other. I am not saying that you should shut out all of your friends and family, but you should prioritize. Husbands and wives should keep certain things between themselves and learn to trust each other more than anyone else.

Physical intimacy is just as powerful as emotional intimacy. Just as healthy emotional relationships should be kept between husband and wife, healthy physical relationships between spouses should be kept behind closed doors. These experiences can be powerful when shared between two people who love each other. In healthy relationships, there is no room for meddling mothers who harp on their sons-in-law. There is no room for gossipy best friends. There is no room for jokes about one's spouse while using crass language to describe them. Before the marriage, most people rely on their family and friends for emotional support or physical comfort. Marriage calls for a redirection in these aspects.

I'm pretty sure that we all can think about couples we know and identify some rocky relationships. Often in these relationships, they failed because the couple did not rely on each other and looked outside of the marriage for fulfillment in these intimacies. Please don't misunderstand me. I am not insinuating that if you are having a good day you are not allowed to call your mom and share your good news just because you have a ring on our finger. I am not telling you to never hug your grandpa when you have a bad day. However, I am saying that you have a built in best friend, someone who has promised to be there for you forever. How amazing is it that you get to share special experiences with your mom and come home to someone with whom you can celebrate? What a great experience it is that you get to hug your grandpa then later lay down with your spouse who can hold you and console you for however long you need?

Establishing boundaries with your spouse of what you should and should not share with others you love is a great way to feel confident and secure in your relationship. Confusion is cleared up and unity is felt with your spouse. As was stated earlier, men and women often think and show affection differently. Talking together and establishing a system where each partner is comfortable will go a long way in bridging this gap.

Physical intimacy, whether that be holding hands, kissing, or intercourse, will bond and unite couples when done properly. Finding a pace that is comfortable for each partner is so important. These acts can be fun and meaningful at the same time. Don't do anything unnatural or demeaning or hummiliating for either partner. Be open and honest with one another. Counsel together and set boundaries. Share with one another what works and doesn't work. A great resources for understanding how a woman's body works is a book by Laura Brotherson. Brotherson is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and is also a certified Sex Counselor. Her book, "Knowing Her Intimately," has helped many couples in this area of their relationship.

Throughout the marriage, remember that infidelity is not always meant in a sexual manner. Emotional and physical intimacy are both important. Relying on someone emotionally can be just as detrimental as seeking physical fulfillment outside of the marriage. Be cautious about with whom and what you share outside of your marriage.

I've heard it said that spouses should continue to connect and learn about each other throughout the entirety of the marriage. Married should work towards achieving a high school diploma on their spouse then moving on to obtain a Bachelor's degree, a Master's degree and eventually work towards a Doctorate. Sometimes we might feel disconnected, but as couples work on it and practice increasing these intimacies, spouses can understand each other on a whole other level. A tilt of the head and a pursing of the lips or a higher pitch in their tone can constitute as a conversation. Couples will work more in harmony. Instead of living separate lives together, spouses have the potential to be extensions of one another.

Love,

Liz S.

Hey Everyone!
Weddings typically consist of the perfect weeding dress, an amazing venue, family and friends, flawless makeup, tuxedos, movie-star hairdos, envy inducing diamond rings, fragrant flowers, gourmet meals, and jaw-dropping cakes just to name a few. Is it any wonder that the supposedly best day of your life often turns into one of the most stressful days of your life? While taking the biggest step in a relationship, it is not uncommon to get caught up in the celebration of the marriage rather than appreciating the act of the union for what it is.
Weddings can be very stressful. Couples often miss out on opportunities to grow together in this new stage of their developing relationship. The first mistake couples often make is not working together to plan the wedding. This is your big day...together...as a couple...so act like it! Take advantage of this opportunity to start your marriage out as a partnership. As you work together to plan the wedding, you are in a environment conducive not only to party planning, but life planing as well. This gives you a chance to establish boundaries and responsibilities that transfer to everyday life. It is easier to launch a framework in household responsibilities after practicing.
This practices demonstrates the transition in the relationship. When a couple decides to get married, expectations of the relationship need to be defined. As was discussed in the last post, dating is a good indicator of what the marriage will be like. Discussing roles and responsibilities and expectations before the vows is an excellent idea to create balance and understanding in a relationship. Accepted patterns will continue unless it is decided to do things differently.
Marriage is all about bringing two individuals together living life side by side and working together as one. Marriage does not equate morphing into what one person in the relationship deems is marital bliss. In a partnership, both sides are required to sacrifice and compromise. I think it is interesting that promise is in compromise. Marriage is all about making promises and upholding those promises. Success is evident in marriage when two people promise to work together. Sometimes couples slip into a routine of living separate lives while living under the same roof. Instead of supporting each other in their similarities and differences, couples sometimes struggle to find this balance and drift apart. Instead of ours, vocabulary such as his and hers is used. This separatism in relationships can often be emotionally draining and destructive. When approaching marriage, couples should be aware of the challenges and benefits of putting the needs of your spouse before your own. Having this emotional entanglement with greatly increase satisfaction within the bonds of marriage.
Other than the combining of expectations, there are other marital adjustments that are needed to be made. Sharing is often one of the most challenging adjustments. Instead of living separate lives, husbands and wives are expected to share most of their earthly possessions. These possessions might include, but are not limited to sharing finances, decision making, and a living situation. While living together, couples are anticipated to share all the nitty gritty things like a bathroom, sleeping arrangements, household chores, and your body. Sharing some of these things can seem terrifying! The first step is to commit to working towards being comfortable enough around your partner in order to be willing to make these changes with them. Remember that these changes should be worked on together. This means working WITH your partner and not changing FOR them. Neither one of you will end up happy if this is the case. You will not truly be you if you focus on being what you perceive what they want. Each side of the partnership will need to exhort patience and tolerance with each other. No one is perfect-including your spouse.
It is okay to have concerns and even boundaries. However it is not okay to shut down and not try to cooperate or work things out. Converse with your spouse and don't be afraid or unwilling to experiment. Couples should experiment with this stuff in order to figure out what works best for them as a couple. Go over roles, rules, and expectations. Understand each other's culture and background. The way they do things may not make a whole lot of sense to you, but it obviously does to them so try to be understanding and considerate. Identify each other's needs and discuss them. Then get to work. Establish ways to keep each other happy and content.
 Above all marriage is not perfect because no two people are perfect. That doesn't mean that you can't have an amazing life with someone. Two people who are committed to making it work can indeed make it work as they are patient, understanding, and tolerant of each other's faults. Happiness is not only a possibility, but can be a reality. Find what works for you because that is what marriage is...WORK!!!! This hard work is what makes marriage so wonderful.

Love,

Liz S.

Hey Everyone!
This week the topic of discussion is preparing for marriage. I had a lot of fun learning this week because this topic is very applicable to my personal life. This week I have learned a lot about what I want during this phase of my life. Honestly I don't totally feel comfortable with is topic of conversation. I got back from serving as a full time missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in January of this year.

After 18 months of focusing on my responsibilities of full time missionary service and not having any romantic entanglements for the entirety of that 18 months, it was really hard to feel confident and comfortable in the dating scene. During my mission, as I am sure is the case with most, I changed hopefully for the better. I matured and experienced new levels of adulthood. This transition also proved difficult with these changes. Returning home, I was greeted by friends and family looking out for my best interests. In the Mormons culture, marriage and family are a priority. My predecessors have experienced the joys marriage and family can bring into ones life. I was encouraged, by many people I respect and look to for an example, to actively seek out these life blessings. As much as I appreciated these words of advice and understood this counsel were coming from a sincere desire to see me happy, I was overwhelmed.

I am obstinate so as this advice took hold it became my prerogative to avoid the dating scene. I was a nuisance to my roommate while she tried to help me feel more comfortable as a college student rather than a missionary. I turned a cold shoulder to any chances of dating. After some time, I realized that I was missing out on more fun that I could be having. That's right. I said it. Dating can be fun!
Once I became more open to it, I thought about what dating consists of. What does dating mean to you? Our discussions in class have been informative on this issue. I think a lot of people have a miscued concept of dating. Today our society does a whole lot more of "hanging out" rather than dating. In high school, I justified hanging out with guys because it wasn't a "real date."
What do "real dates" consist of? Here are a few examples we came up with: pairs of people, prior planning, and the resources used for the date are provided for such as the cost of dinner, movie tickets, or event costs. All of these items require effort.

Now that the expectations of a what a date is has been established, what is the purpose of dating?  This is a pretty easy one to answer, but can vary depending upon the individuals involved. Some might decide to date to have fun. It is a sources of entertainment. Others date to determine qualities they desire in a future spouse while others might be ready for that next step and are dating to determine whether or not the relationship is progressing well enough to make that step. Many are guilty of dating for free stuff such as meals or tickets to events. Honesty though who can blame them? Free stuff is free stuff! It is also entirely possible to be dating for a combination of reasons. Some are in it for one thing, but are open to other options or progress in a relationship.

No matter your reasons for dating, it is important to be comfortable with yourself and your standards. While it is enjoyable to try new things and learn a little bit more about yourself, as is usually the case when spending time with new acquaintances, it important to be happy with who you are while dating. Too often people change themselves in hopes of capturing the attention and affections of someone they are interested in. What is the point? You won't be truly happy being anyone else. You are meant to be YOU!! Never question yourself or let others do damage to your individuality. Dating sometimes seems like a competition. At these times it is sometimes difficult not to beat yourself up and critique your physical qualities and personality traits. In the end, just remember that dating ends one of two ways either a permanent and committed relationship or a breakup. If your relationship results in the former, would you prefer to feel stable and secure in your relationship being yourself and knowing your significant other loves you for you or would you rather feel like a stranger with the one person who is supposed to know and love you the most? Down below is a short video to get you pumped up when ever you get down on yourself because we all have those rough days once in a while.

The best piece of dating advice I have ever received is to not settle. No one is perfect so it is ridiculous to search for perfection. With that being said, it is not okay to be unhappy in your relationship because you fear he or she is the best you are going to get or you think you can change them or you have been together this long so you might as well move forward or any other outlandish idea like these ones. Respect and love yourself. Know who you are and what you deserve while being forgiving of their flaws because you've got them too. Remember that dating is a pretty clear indicator of what a marriage would look like. If it is not flowing during the dating stage, there is no way marriage will fix what is broken.

I don't think anyone has completely perfected dating because everyone is different. Let's be real. Sometimes there will be awkward first dates and sometimes there will be embarrassing moments. Sometimes you may stumble over your words a little or feel uncomfortable when you walk past them on campus or at the grocery store after a failed date. But there will also be excitement and laughter. There are very few feeling that can compete with the flight of butterflies in your stomach. Feeling fly in your new date outfit will perk your chin up a notch when you walk past a mirror. I promise you can do this!! Enjoy the journey and enjoy this experience! Never stop dating, even when you have been married for 46 years. The excitement doesn't have to end so make it count...

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/individual-worth?lang=eng

Love,
Liz S.

Hey Everyone!

So it looks like something went wrong with my post last week. I am going to try to figure out what happened. Somehow it didn’t publish. This is an issue considering it is part of my grade. I will check it out and try to put it back up. I will have to discuss with my instructor what I am doing wrong in order to prevent this from happening again. My post last week will help in better understanding this week’s post considering I reference a couple of things from the last one including culture. I will try to get it back up as soon as I can.

What are some words you use to describe yourself? Do you start by listing your gender, male or female? Do you describe your looks or maybe your talents and skills? Do you label yourself according to what job you hold? How about your role in the family as mother, father, sister, brother? Do you account for your sexual orientation or maybe you list your family status such as the third generation of the Wellingtons of Brooklyn and owner of Wellington Industries? Do you feel as though others should understand your religious identity in order to better know you? Have you ever introduced yourself by your personality traits such as the legendary troublemaking friend of so and so or the sassy girl in the back who cracks jokes?

I have met people who have done all of these things. What defines us? This is a big struggle in the world today. Labels can be damaging. Sometimes they put people in boxes that are hard to break through. So how do we find that line of describing who we are without labeling? I think that the best way to do this is to know who you are and what values you hold without excluding or shaming others for their differences. They are a part of you. These characteristics are important and shape the way we live our lives, but it is valuable to note what we think of ourselves is the most important thing to remember. Don’t let others define you!

Two qualities or traits that are hot button items in today’s society are gender and sexual orientation. As outlined above, gender and sexual orientation are a part of you therefore they play an important role in who you are. However, it is not fair to label due to these attributes because each person is made up of a whole lot more than just these two. Each person is truly unique and special in their own way. Knowing that each individual is special in their own way, gender is a part of you and so therefore it is something that makes you who you are…which is SPECIAL!

In our culture today, there is a lot of debate over what is the definition of male and female. Some take a simplistic approach and define it anatomically. Others have different views and argue that gender is based on the personality traits or the mindset of individuals. Either way the first step is to understand your answer to this question of what makes men and women different. This knowledge will enable you to make informed decisions and opinions for your personal life. I myself am still working out my beliefs and how to be sensitive to others who differ from my opinions. Their thoughts on this topic are no less valuable than my own. All I know for sure is that each person is valuable and part of their identity is their gender. I also believe that it is okay to have typical tendencies of the opposite gender as well as typical tendencies of your own gender. Each role in the family is important and playing that role according to your personality (including those gender tendencies) will prosper as you find balance between the two genders.

Sexual orientation is a topic a lot of people shy away from in order to prevent being offensive. I often am included in this generalization. Most of the time I step back from discussing this topic as I am not as informed as I would like to be. Recently I am learning more about the consequences, both good and bad, that happen in families due to the actions of the members of those said families. I am still learning as I recognize that there is much, much, much more to discover. I have learned a couple of things based on research. Having both genders in the home creates the best environment for children.  I keep mentioning the roles necessary in families. I do this to keep reiterating the importance of this subject. Families are the most important social unit in the world. And if it is the most important then we should spend the most effort protecting it.

I was given access to this following website that gave me more clarity. It is filled with a ton of research on this topic. I think this website will better help you understand the reasons why and how gender and sexual orientation affect the family structure.

http://www.familystructurestudies.com/

Love,

Liz S.

Hey Everyone!
Family systems...we all got 'em! What does your family look like? Are you more verbal an loud in your family? Or are you more reserved and carry more nonverbal cues? Do you fit in somewhere in between? How does your personality fit in your family? What characteristics shine through with each family member?
 My family is definitely somewhere in between. We had plenty of family rules which were learned through both verbal and nonverbal cues. Mom and Dad both had different cues, but we definitely understood what each one meant. Whether spoken or left unspoken, these are powerful in a family's functionality to understand what is classified as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. While observing my family and others, I noticed that each family does what works for them. It caught my attention that even though most family members understand their unique language, they chose to ignore it or pretend that they don't understand. At other times it was obvious that somethings were misunderstood. This might have been because of different family dynamics being combined to create a new family unit. I think it also occurs when circumstances in the family change such as marriages, leaving for school, adolescence into adulthood, or the death of family members. These absences in the roles the family was used to causes a time for adjustment and sometimes role reversal.
I noticed in my family we have distinct and different personalities. However we also have a lot of similarities. These difference sometimes cause tension and misunderstandings. Our similarities and our desire and willingness to bond, unite us and strengthen our relationships. Because of our differences in personalities and roles, we all react differently to our parents' signals hinting at family rules.
My mom sighs when she is disappointed. Her disappointment is almost worse than her anger. She sometimes sucks in her lip a little to let us know we were not making a good choice, but she also doesn't feel comfortable making decisions for us that she feels is up to us. The most memorable nonverbal cue my mom gives us for acceptable behavior happens on Saturday morning. My mom  turns on music, usually Celine Dion's "I'm Alive," and bakes bread. This is our cue to get out of bed, get our day started, and do our chores. If we don't help out around the house, we know we will not get the coveted homemade bread nor are we able to hang out the rest of the day. It is expected to finish our responsibilities before we can enjoy the rest of our Saturday activities.
My dad had a scowl that was unquestionably the you done messed up look. After receiving that look we tried to get the other look. This look was much more pleasant and for a second you felt like the favorite child. He had a half smile and gave a little wink. Now when he hit his forehead with his hand we knew he was irritated.
Verbal cues included both of my parents saying maybe. When they said this word we knew our chances were not good. Other times my mom says,"If you feel good about it." This was her way of saying your choice is a stupid one,but I am not gonna come out and say it because it is your decision. Whenever something was broken or ruined and no one fessed up, mom used to say,"Did Mr. Nobody do it again?" This was our cue to shut up and get out of the way and wait for her to cool down before talking to her about it. Dad used to tell us to ask our mother sometimes when we asked for certain things. We knew this was him telling us he was okay with it, but didn't want to make a decision without mom because she probably knew more about the situation than he did.
Different kids reacted differently based on the roles we played the troublemaker decided to push the limits as far as they could. Other siblings were more like peacemakers and tried to appease the parents. Other siblings tried humor in order to ease tension. No matter what we make it work. Each family has a different dynamic. You just need to find what works for you and your family.

Love,

Liz S.

Hey Everyone!
This week I have to give a shout out to my family! In class this week we have been discussing the importance of a stable family. Each member of the family plays a distinct role. Each tradition role is vital to a happy and healthy home life. Thinking back on my childhood, I recognize what role each member in my family played. Understanding this dynamic has made me think of different ways to better connect my family. My ideas are still in the beginning phases so don't ask me about them yet :)

Along with fulfilling healthy roles, something else that has stuck with me this week is the importance of research. Vital information can be skewed or misrepresented. Half truths and miscommunication or misrepresented info is advertised as the undeniable truth. We need to take charge of our data intake! Looking into the reliability of the research is a crucial step in understanding information brought to us. Taking the research findings at face value can be detrimental. We give up our own voice by not taking initiative. Current explorations of the family are worth too much to just believe. Digging into these studies will provide the opportunity to draw our families closer together. Insights will enable family members to have more tools to use at their disposals. Families are worth the extra time it takes to fact check.

Above all, the most significant research I found this week includes the fact that children raised in traditional families have more stability. We are all human and we all make mistakes. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and I am absolutely positive there is no such thing as a perfect child. Regardless of these imperfections, human relationships are one of the most amazing phenomenons I can think of! Truly it is miraculous. These relationships, especially the ones we share with our family members, have the potential to be the most miraculous of all. This gives us the responsibility to give it our all. Practicing traditional family values and roles along with checking research we find, will give us the power to create a lasting and profound bond. Don't the people we love the most deserve our all?

Love,
Liz S.

Hey, Everyone!
I am stoked to start this blog as an online journal. This journal will allow me the opportunity to express my beliefs on the family. As this new semester begins, I have the great opportunity to learn some great ideas to apply and improve my lifestyle. I hope as I share some insights and experiences from my Family Relations class, you will be able to find different ways to create a stronger and more united environment in our homes as well!

Love,
Liz S.